I was done.
Stick-a-fork-in-me-done.
Done asking The Cherubs to switch off the Wii in the basement and come upstairs for bedtime.
I had calmly beckoned to them. Twice. I had also flashed the lights off and on as a warning. A warning that had gone unheeded.
But I was NOT going to yell.
Nosirree. I’ve made plenty of mistakes on this trippy trip of parenthood, but if there’s one thing in which I take pride, it’s the fact that I seldom – practically never – raise my voice.
I’m better than that, friends. *crosses legs; pats at hair*
So? Instead of screaming down the stairs like my inner demon wanted to?
I began to knock on the wall, as if I were knocking on someone’s front door.
Gently. Politely. With the utmost of control.
And the knocking was ignored.
So my rapping on the wall grew in its intensity. Something that sounded like a woodpecker’s insistent tapping upon a tree trunk. And as I rapped, a recited a smug little mantra to myself in cadence the rhythm my knuckles tapped out upon the wall.
I’m-a-knock-er-not-a-yell-er. I’m-a-knock-er-not-a-yell-er. I’m-a-knock-er-not-a-yell-er.
And – wonder of wonders – The Cherubs continued to hoot and holler in front of the Wii, paying no attention to my rhythmic summoning.
I closed my eyes, willing myself to keep my desire to scream in check. And all of my suppressed screams were redirected into my fist, which now pounded on the basement wall with a force that The Cherubs would not be able to ignore, no matter how loud the Wii was turned up.
I! (bam)
AM! (bam)
NOT! (bam)
A! (bam)
YELL-ERRRRRRRRR! (bambambambambamCRUNCH).
Yes. I am NOT one of those yelling moms. And I have the evidence to prove it.
Inspired by a prompt from Mama Kat’s Writers’ Workshop: ”Tell us about something you broke.”
We have plaster walls. I would have broken my hand. But then again, we are loud as heck around here. So there’s yelling and then there’s YELLING.
Oh, don’t doubt yourself, Maggie. You get a good anger going? And I’ll bet you could punch through ANYTHING.
Freaking outstanding. I am a yeller, which I really dislike about myself. Since my vacation I have been very zen and I have not been yelling which seems to make me feel better, but now my child is yelling at me instead? So apparently I messed up the balance of the universe. She is actually hoarse from all of her yelling. I can proudly say that never happened to me.
I do feel that I would LOVE to punch a wall on the regs.
Ahem. I was knocking. Not punching.
AAARRRRRG, I could totally feel your frustration through this whole post, and then WHAM! I didn’t see that ending coming – probably because I would’ve started yelling from the get-go (not something I’m proud of, by the way). PLEASE tell me the hole in the wall got their attention!
Ummm…it’s still there. When friends come over and they open the basement door to go downstairs and play, they get all proud and stuff, saying, “And HERE’S where my mom put a hold in the wall.”
It does command a certain amount of respect from the get-go.
Oh. My. Word. I’m prepping for my first day of full-time teaching and in the midst of my nervousness I read your post, and laughed out loud.
Thank you so much!
You’re very welcome, Monika. I didn’t yell when I was a teacher either. So you can imagine what the walls of my classroom looked like.
That’s funny, I don’t remember you doing any yelling as a teacher, but I don’t remember seeing holes in the walls either… oh wait, is THAT what those posters were for? And here 4th grade me just thought you wanted to create a colorful, welcoming environment.
Oh, Karen…how quickly you young’uns forget. Remember the rotating job chart we had in class? You know…for tasks like “line leader,” “dismissal chief,” “paper distributor,” and – ahem – “wall spackler?”
Hahahahaha!!! Oh my gosh, sweet Sue. I love this post. I try so hard not to yell, and I’m going to remember this the next time I want to yell…I’m just going to bang a hole in the wall instead
P.S. I told my husband just yesterday that I was “stick-a-fork-in-me done”…I’ve never heard anyone else say that before.
xoxo
Great minds, my dear…
Sue, you are a riot! I was a former non-yeller, until the day I broke all of our dishes, or, was it the day I smashed my phone, over and over again, outside, on the floor? Now I try to control my ~loud speaker~, but fewer dishes are sacrificed. Responsiveness? about the same, I would guess.
xo
My poor phone looks like it’s been through three world wars.
You yelled through your fists basically.
Right?
Ex-ACT-ly, Alison.
I’m so proud of you for not yelling!
Gawd, they can make our blood boil sometimes, can’t they?
I swear, Missy, my blood was beyond boiling. It was bubbling right out of my ears.
Hahahaha….kids can block anything out. I totally respect you for not being a yeller. I totally am and wish I wasn’t. Then again, I never yelled before I had kids, so I’m starting to think there’s some sort of correlation. Try as I might, not to yell, it seems loud decibels are the only things toddlers seem to pick up on. *sighs and goes off to break up another toddler battle to the death over the same toy*
I’m telling you, Paige, I think I might be able to start a new trend in alternative disciplinary techniques. This’ll catch on, and soon you’ll start seeing holes in your mommy friends’ walls, and you’ll be able to tell them that you know the gal who started it all.
I can probably do something decorative with that hole.
No doubt, my friend. Then YOU can blog it. I’ll even give you the photo, royalty-free.
Bwhahahahahaha!
Oh this makes me feel like not such a horrible parent. I happen to be a yeller and a stomper.
Great post!
And I bet the walls of your home are LOVELY. *sticks out tongue*
LOL!
Now? Practically a month after the fact? I can laugh, too, Betsy. But at the time, I was all, “Shooooot. What in the world am I going to tell my groom?”
I am so glad you took a picture of this. I’ve been known to slam the cupboards a few times too many.
I’m surprised I haven’t stomped right through the floorboards at times.
LOVE this post!
Suggestion: How about an air horn (& ear plugs for you)? Surely, they will hear that.
;-D
I like it, Janette.
I like it A LOT.
yes, that ask them to do something and they say “I will in a minute” — that makes me crazy. We are not responsible for our actions.
I know, right? I don’t recall EVER giving them the option to put me on hold.
Truly spectacular. Had me rolling this morning.
My exhibitions of brute strength have that effect on lots of people, Rick.
That was funny. We can only keep our calm so long. Good job for not yelling!
Right. Hole in the wall or not, I consider it a victory, Carol.
I try really really hard not to be a yelled but it just doesn’t work some or a lot of the time. I guess I’m saving on drywall though.
Exactly, Jessica. I’ve come to learn that yelling, emotionally damaging as it may be, is really cost-effective.
I laughed out loud! That picture right at the end of the post is THE.BEST.ENDING.EVER. It’s better than an exclamation point or a four letter word. Good for you for not yelling ~snickers~
I did want to add though, that if your kids are still on summer break, they become nosferatu, and thus, don’t actually need to sleep at night.
Sandra, I KNEW you’d appreciate this. I could imagine you doing something similar, what with your athletic prowess and all. Off to Google “nosferatu” now…
Ummmmmm….is no one going to ask how your hand fared in this??? Just asking for a friend. Because I think she might want to punch a basement wall some day. Maybe. Probably. Maybe.
Did I mention I hope your hand is okay????
I’m fine, darling. Thanks for asking. Tell your friend it’s actually quite an empowering feeling. You know, “I am woman…hear me…um…bust through drywall.”
I ask nicely, multiple times. Then I simmer….then I boil..then I holler, yell and bellow unitil their hair moves. I’d like a lobotomy or to hide in the witness protection program from them at times…..
A lobotomy.
That?
Made me snort. For realz.
I have to be honest…at first this post was making me feel like shit. I did a lot of yelling today. I don’t always yell, but today was “special,” and there was a lot of yelling. But something told me that there would be a twist at the end, in typical Sue fashion, and I ended up laughing out loud. So thank you for the chuckle.
You see?
You see there, Leigh Ann?
The grass is always greener, no?
For I envy those who can scream their heads off and save 75 bucks worth of DIY home repairs.
Sue, this was HILARIOUS!! I wish I could say I don’t yell……………
Yeah. But you *can* say that your walls are free of peepholes.
ps – That whole has been there practically all summer. You seriously never noticed? Ask your cherubs.
Whole?
Hole.
Darn homophones and red wine.
I love this! You’ve inspired me and made me laugh – impressive! I am a yeller, screamer, cabinet banger, pillow puncher and punching bag kicker but I never thought of wall knocking to express my anger. I say put a frame around the hole and celebrate your honesty and willingness to try something new … I’m envisioning a how to DVD set in your future!
HA! I can see it now on Amazon: “Knock Your Way to Well-Behaved Children.”
Holy comments! I guess you struck a nerve. I think I recall a hole in my kitchen door when I was a kid that looked just like your lovely example. My dad was not a yeller either. My mom was. I took after her. I’m too poor to be repairing walls. I yell instead. Sometimes my kid just ignores me too see how long it will take for mom to pop. I think it’s one of his hobbies.
Hey – You could’ve inherited the ‘best’ of both – Yelling AND hole punching. Consider yourself fortunate.
Oh how funny! My Husband just spackled our various holes from various happenings – it even made my Friday Favorites list for today’s post!
I think maybe yelling is just easier on the physical building!
Agreed. I’ve come to realize the benefits that yellers reap.
Situational yelling – selectively employed – has its place. Generally speaking, you’ve turned out ok! Did you get an owie? Upon reflection, you are perhaps more prone to excesses on the physical vs, verbal side, your blog not withstanding. Heh. As evidence, I offer your participation in a mud/obstacle run earlier this year.
Exactly. I’m a knocker/runner/hill climber/mud slosher, NOT a yeller.
Can’t stop laughing…this is so awesome….and so something I would do.
Kat, you’d be amazed how easy it is *to* do. Just a little word of caution.
Lol LOvE this! I in fact am ashamed to say I am a yeller.
No more ashamed than I felt after not yelling, I’d wager…
So I guess I’ll keep yelling…LOL! Actually the little one is the one that needs anger management in our house. IJS
Keep her away from the walls, then. It’s just that simple.