There’s been a whole lotta doggy talk goin’ on ’round he-ya, my friends.
I don’t know why I found it necessary to break into jive speak up there. It just felt right.
Anyway.
As you’ve probably surmised by now, there was No puppy in a stocking at Christmas for The Cherubs. And that was pretty much ok with them, considering the fact that I prepared them for the inevitable by ever so gently telling them, “There. Will. Be. No. Puppy. In. A. Stocking. At. Christmas.”
On the bright side, Santa scored a white-hot deal on laptops, so the glitz of shiny new technology helped to soften the blow. And this trio of portable internet access, combined with unseasonable early January temperatures that had us practically sunbathing in the driveway, formed the perfect storm this past weekend: An intensive online search for just the right breed of dog to be purchased in the spring.
Three cheers for global warming and Google.
So there they sat in the family room with their computers on their laps, clicking away with abandon. The Small One called out from his perch on the fireplace hearth, “Guys! Checkitout! If you go to iams.com and search ‘pet finder?’ It asks you questions and tells you the perfect kind of dog for you!”
The Twins’ curiosity was peaked, and they quickly logged on and began the online inventory that would unite them with the breeds of their dreams. Even my groom got into it, opening up his computer and making his way through the pet-finding prompts. I seized this tech-fest as an opportunity to load the dishwasher.
After a few minutes, Twin B snorted in disgust. ”Awwww…man…They’re all ugly!”
“What?” I asked, drying my hands on a paper towel and making my way toward him. I looked over his shoulder at his computer screen. ”It says a Schnauzer would be good for you. Or any kind of Terrier.”
Click images for sources
“Yeah. Terriers are ugly. And stupid.”
“Now, how can you say that, B? Have you ever spoken with a Terrier?”
“I don’t have to. I can just tell. Look at these dogs, mom…all wiry haired and weird-faced.”
“Oooooooh!” breathed Twin A from the other end of the sectional. ”Look at this! It says that I should get a Belgian Terv-oo-reen. It’s so pretty!”
“A what?” I sat down beside her took a look at the breed pronunciation guide. ”Look, hon, it’s pronounced Terv-Urine.”
“Urine?” crowed The Small One. ”That’s awesome!” he laughed so hard he began to choke.
Twin B, helpful soul that he is, whacked his brother on the back. ”Well, I’d rather have a Terv-Urine than a dog with shag rug hair and a jacked-up face.”
Twin A giggled, “Mom? Can we get a Terv-Urine? And name it P.P.?”
“No! Wait! Forget the Terv-Urine, guys!” The Small One, now coughing, was pointing at his computer screen. ”This is what we need! A Poo-me!”
I rolled my eyes and glanced at his screen. Pumi. Fabulous. I had never heard of such a creature, but leave it to The Small One to find it.
My groom had remained silent during this debacle. He was staring at his search results, his eyes growing wider by the minute.
“What did you get?” I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“An African Basenji.”
In an automatic gesture that would make Pavlov proud, his hand traced its way down his right leg and came to rest upon his shin. Right over the spot where I knew there was a scar underneath his pants leg.
A scar that had its origins when he was eight and had a chunk of his leg removed by…you guessed it…
…an African Basenji.
All four of them slowly and quietly closed their computers, and the online exploration came to an end. The Small One and Twin A were wiping tears of laughter out of their eyes and still sputtering a little.
Twin B broke the silence by offering meekly, “Ummmm…maybe we should look into getting a cat instead.”
Inspired by a one-word prompt from
Haha, the last one had me spitting tea out!!
Er, I mean, I’m sorry your husband had a dog bite him. Ahem.
I know *exactly* what you meant, love. xo
I remember doing one of those best-for-you-breed searches years ago. Your search came up with some I have never even heard of before. The turv-urine? My oldest would have been cracking up with that one and the pumi, as well.
Kim – Would you believe that there is also some sort of a mixed breed called a Wetsy-Poo? You just can’t make this stuff up.
Is there anyway I could talk you guys into taking a slightly used, 100lb Boxer? He’s lovely, sleeps in your bed when your gone, and only eats a diaper every once in a while. I promise, you won’t regret it….:)
Paige! I did the search later and learned that my ideal breed is a Boxer. I’ll trade you a child for your dog. Inbox me, my friend.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s
Your poor groom!
I love the sense of humor your kids have…wonder where that came from?!
Fantastic take on “explore”
Nice to meet you, Maria! It’s laugh or cry around here most of the time. Laughter’s less messy. Unless there’s choking involved.
Those cherubs of yours should be writing Captain Underpants books.
Oh, and cats rock. Just saying.
Alrighty, Cat Lady. Will you be their agent? Um…and mine?
Hilarious. Over the holidays my brother kept going on and on about how he liked a Caucasian something or other. Took me a whole week to figure out he was talking dog breeds and not a racist.
Tori, I am of the belief that the folks who come up with these breed names are under the influence of something other than a love of canines.
Kudos! You even got MY groom to laugh today (a rare feat I must say).
I see 101 Dalmations – I mean 4 dogs and a cat or two in your future. (And vet bills and doggy and kitty day care bills equalling the national debt????)
Really? Your groom giggled? *virtual high five*
And I’ll keep you posted, Abi. This will be an adventure fo sho.
Remember there is always the time share available on our 10 year old Yorkie-poo
You are such a generous soul, Cath. Thank you.
Oh my word! That was awesome but I have to say, cats are asshats. Cute but asshats.
I wouldn’t even go so far as to say cute.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
this is hilarious and i really need to check out that website!
i think that site can be pretty helpful, Natalie…as long as you take it with a grain…or a heaping cupful…of salt.
That was a great adventure in exploring. It had me laughing, as well.
Better than fiction, I tell you, Carol…
Hahaha…oh boy. Can’t wait to see what you guys decide on. And I would have loved to see a pic with all of your kids searching their laptops…I can just picture it.
xo
You’re right…that would’ve made a fabulous pic, Jen. Dagnabbit.
Ok new laptops are great posting pictures of ugly dogs not so great except for the urine dog he wasn’t ugly…………lol
Fabulous summary, Jo-Anne.
Aw, I loved reading this post. The conversation between your children and you is hilarious. I felt so sad at the end about your husband… sounds like a traumatic experience. Also, thanks for inspiring to find my own pet at Iams. I got a Shiba lol… Thanks, too, for sharing. ~Xiomara
Ummm…a Shiba???
Awesome story, Sue. It made me laugh – on this incredibly cold, depressing day today.
Well. I feel like I’ve accomplished something today, M.
Oh my gosh! Well, you guys are all across the board, aren’t you? What did YOUR search recommend?
And Twin B is right, those dogs are stupid and really ugly. They serve no purpose.
Agreed. Terriers are butt-ugly.
As for me? I got a boxer when I typed in my ‘druthers.
Boxers rock. Booyah.
Awww. Sweet (funny) babies. Our best bet has always been to go with some type of mixed breed dog. We’ve tried the full blood in the past and they never turned out… normal. Right now we have a little mixed breed (mostly lab, but smaller in size), and she is great. The sweetest little dog ever. Although, she does get pretty excited when you go outside to play with her.
I think that adopting a mixed breed would be a great choice, Jennifer. I’ll let you know come spring!
[...] would find a well-respected breeder through an extensive search and visit his farmhouse estate in June, once school had let out and the weather had turned warmer [...]