Friends?
I am not here. I’m on a little excursion with unidentified individuals to a top-secret location, for an undisclosed amount of time.
Which may or may not be ten days in Paris with girlfriends.
Squeeeeee!
Ahem.
Anyway. I have enlisted the help of two friends to look after The Spin Cycle while I am away. Today I’d like to introduce you to Sandra of Absolutely Narcissism.
Sandra, to me, is like that cool chick that you saw down the hall in high school but were too scared to talk to because she was so stinkin’ fabulous.
She is smart.
And funny.
And popular.
And wildly irreverent.
And she makes no apologies for it.
She is Canadian, so she says exotic things like “favourite” and “realise.”
And did I mention that she is drop-dead gorgeous?
But then you do work up the nerve to talk to her…and you come to know that she is just an all-around good egg with a heart of gold.
Please meet Sandra. And then go visit her at her home in the blogosphere. But whatever you do? Don’t be haters until you’ve gotten to know her.
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They Hate Me!
I’m that parent that teachers talk about. Oh yes, they do.
I know they gather round the table in the break room, and while tearing into their granola bars, the conversation is abuzz with gossip about that annoying mom; that mom who clearly doesn’t give a crap about her kid, you know which one I’m talking about, right? She has that cute little boy in the 4th grade who can’t read very well.
She never signs the agenda so we never know if she’s actually bothered to check if her kid even has any homework…That poor little kid probably has to pack his own lunch.
By now, the rest of the teachers are starting to connect the parent (me) to the stories of the poor little kid, who by the way, does NOT have to pack his own lunch. But he doesn’t like to eat anything. What’s a mother to do? So I send what I know he will eat: processed crackers and cheese. Sure it’s not super healthy, but there must be some nutritional value in that, like calcium…and maybe, plastic?
And he can too read! It’s just that he doesn’t like it. Am I supposed to beat him over the head with the 4th grade storybooks, which by the way are stupid and boring? Give the kid some books with the word “poop” in them, and guess what, he won’t be jerking my chain at story time anymore.
The teachers will continue their rants: She’s the woman whose kid doesn’t dress for the weather, the teachers are saying. He comes back from recess with red, chapped hands because his mother didn’t send him any mittens. What kind of a mother doesn’t send mittens, they’ll add.
But I do tell him to take his mittens! I lay them out on the table next to his breakfast. I even watch him leave the house with them. But between my driveway and the school, I have no idea where those mittens disappear to. He claims he doesn’t know either. He’ll tell me, “I think I might have dropped them somewhere when I took them off because my hands were so hot.”
What should I do, teachers? Should I sew the mittens onto his hands? Would that be better?
Sure, I could have followed my 9 year old to school, like a perfect parent. But I didn’t. Because my mom never followed me around, and guess what? I still have hands, and I know how to read AND write. And back then, there was no such thing as a book in which my mother signed her name to show that she was aware I had homework to do.
So how do I even know the teachers hate me?
Well, I don’t for sure.
Except I did get a note in the homework book last year, in which the teacher specifically told me: “Could you please send your son proper winter clothing for recess. And could you also send him a more nutritious lunch; one with fruits and vegetables. I know your son is a very smart boy because his teachers from his previous years have told me so. But they also mentioned that you don’t sign the agenda, and as a result of this, he falls behind in his homework.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t get this message until near the end of the school year …
…Because I kept forgetting to sign the homework book.
Sue, I hope you’re having a fabulous time a Paris! Honestly, how can you not?? Thanks for getting Sandra to babysit your blog. As a Canadian I’m always on the lookout for fabulous blogs that also like to throw in those extra ‘U’s in various words.
Sandra, one of my boys rivals yours in his innate ability to lose things in mere minutes. It’s a gift. If only I could figure out a way to use his ‘gift’ to lose things for the greater good. Like those last 10lbs on my person.
. I will definitely be checking out your blog very soon.
Laurie
Thanks Laurie, and yes, if only losing weight was as easy as losing mittens!
Sandra, how could anyone hate you?? You’re a good mother, WE know that!
Sue! If I didn’t love you, I’ll be hating you!
Fortunately, it’s all love. Have a wonderful time in Paris. xo
Oh Alison, I can always count on you for my daily dose of “feel good!” Now give me some baby toes!
Sue, I hope you’re having the best time. Paris is beautiful. I went years ago and it was wonderful!
Sandra, you’re doing a great job mothering AND handling The Spin Cycle…:)
Thank you Paige! I’m even replying to comments, which is something I’m too lazy to do on my own blog. I think Sue should bring me back a croissant….or a Louis Vuitton bag…I’m not picky…
Sue, I know you are taking Paris by the balls! And thank you for the beautiful intro…as per my MO these days, it made me weep….plus I have no idea what irreverent means so I have to look that up! Thank you for having me! I’m honoUred! Love you!
LOVE Sandra! And so good to see you here!
Thanks Missy! And I LOVE you Darling!
You’re right – I absolutely love her!! What a great read – I was smiling throughout. My 4 yo refuses to wear weather appropriate clothing (we live in Chicago and she prefers to be called “Summer Girl”). I’ve decided not to fight this battle – if she’s cold, she’ll put on warmer clothes – but her teachers and other parents give me shit (or at least I tell myself they do
).
A trip to Paris sounds divine – enjoy!
I agree Mary, I figure if the children finish off the day with all their body parts, our job is done. My child may not be the best reader, but I’m pretty sure he knows when he’s cold. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!
Oh my goodness! I would be so furious is some stupid teacher said that to me. I only have an 18 month old, but I’m sure one day her teachers will view me the same way. You should see the looks I get from her doctor and nurses when I told them she is allowed to watch Disney movies, and she drinks whole milk, and eats teddy grahams, and I don’t give her vitamins, because she spits them out dangit! Good Lord some people are so judgmental..
Disney movies?….GAH! I am so tired of the judgement! You are doing everything with your child that I did with all four of mine at your daughter’s age, and the only real repercussion is that my 9 year old had developed an appreciative palate for all the different flavours of teddy grahams.
[...] I am so honoured to be over at The Spin Cycle covering for Sue, who is “on a little excursion with unidentified individuals to a [...]
Sue, dang girl! I wanna go to Paris lol! Have wonderful time!
Sandra, I love you. SO much. I have a 7th and 5th grader who would wear shorts in January if I let them! Maybe if in school teachers taught the kids to be responsible and punish them in some way for missing homework, it wouldn’t happen anymore, but, let’s face it: teachers are afraid to be hard on kids. Kids run the roost nowadays, and the parents…the good ones,like you…get blamed.
I can say that.
I was a teacher.
And a noon aide.
That job sucked *ass*!
You rock girlfriend!
\IiiI
I completely agree Penny! My children’s teachers don’t punish…get this: and if the grade on a test isn’t high enough, they get to rewrite the test! Seriously? How come I can’t have a teacher like that in university?
Mm, Paris is always a good idea. Enjoy!
Sandra – you are awesome – yet again!
I can’t understand why my children being in school, means homework for me each night! seriously, signing an agenda is only the tip of the iceberg. But, I secretly love getting snarkly lil teacher love notes. makes me feel like I am young and back at school again. Pretty sure the Principal will be calling any.day.now.
That’s what I think too. Why am I having to do homework? I’ve already completely grade school!
You lived. He will live. And don’t even get me started on teachers.
I do adore you! Always the voice of reason! xo
Oh,
People.
Why be hatin’??
Life is hard enough as it is.
I will never understand.
Love seeing you here, Abso, you’re such a good friend.
xo
Thanks Alexandra! I’m with you, why be hatin’…although I’m not that hip, so I’d say something like, “Why must we always be at each others’ throat.” Why be hatin’…I’m having a tshirt made with that…
There will always be someone who judges your mothering. Why we can’t all work together for the sake of the kids is beyond me. Your little guy will be just fine – he IS just fine. And you’re a great mom. Of course, no one’s perfect, but neither are the teachers. F ‘em.
Thank you Melissa. And yes, my little guy is fine. In fact, he’s composing a series of books right now which incorporates the word “poop” into every sentence. I suspect they’ll be a huge hit
Once my kid didn’t eat her carrots, I sent them the next day. Still didn’t eat them, I told her “If you don’t eat them then the next day you will get nothing but a sanwich/carrots/apple, if you still don’t eat them then the following day when you open your lunch, ALL you will see is carrots …”. I don’t make empty threats. She ate them
I don’t sign the agenda unless there is something of revelance. But I send all her permission forms back on time, so figure good enough.
The misplaced hat/mitts/etc drive me CRAZY! But kids are kids so I overstock and only threaten when super-cold or snowy out so am sending the warmer i.e. more expensive mitts. But coats? Really? Those are some serious coin! My kid lost one, then almost lost a second. Told her “if you can’t be responsible, then I will not spend money on a cute, expensive coat, I will buy you a crappy ugly cheap coat that won’t cost a lot to replace” (and let’s face it – in Canada winter gear is not typically lost during actual winter months, so I know she wouldn’t just ditch it as would literally freeze!). She has not lost a coat again.
Kids are all different, not everything works for everyone, but for us it does to remind her – poor children are happy to eat anything and aren’t picky. Poor children would be happy for a warm if not attractive coat. So while I want to provide you with nice things, I do not feel at all sorry for you if you aren’t responsible so I can’t! And eat your stinkin’ carrots!
And forgot to add – the teacher-snark was uncalled for. If my kid makes it to high school able to read, do basic math, and not eating paste, whoo-hoo!
(I make sure she is keeping up, but otherwise live and let live. Kids thrive when things are enjoyable for them. I do keep on top of work ethic, but her extra curriculars help with that as has to practice piano etc.).
Oh Kande, you truly are a terrific mother! I have tried the carrot trick, but they kept coming back…for months! Thank goodness they don’t mold that easily.
Loved this post. When Little Sis was young enough that they still checked her lunches and she like your son was and still is super fussy I invested in an apple…. I packed the same apple everyday until it was pretty much rotten and for sure nothing but bruises and then I replaced that sad apple – I’d say about six apples got me through the year – thank God apples last sooo long!! Anyway it got me past the lunch nazi’s…………… I could say a lot of school these days…………
Love the apple idea! Totally doing it! You’re absolutely right, that apple can last for awhile in the lunch bag: it makes me look like I’m concerned about proper fruit and veggie intake, and unlike the banana that is brown the next day, that apple can take a beating! Genius!
Right there with you. My son fights me all the time about wearing proper clothing. He’d rather look cool than wear a hat. I don’t think frostbite is all that cool, but whatevs. I just had to write a note to my daughter’s teacher today about her not completing all her homework. You can bet there’s a great big finger pointed at me (the one who barked at her endlessly to do her homework). Gah.
The finger always gets pointed at us…if only those teachers could be flies on our walls…wait, scratch that. My walls are a little sticky…
You? Hate YOU?
What do they know, anyway? Dumb teachers.
Thank you so much for being my guest star…Hope you’re having the time of your life at the conference!
Ok I thought I was reading something about me here yes it does sound like me well when my girls were in school, I didn’t care if they did their homework and I couldn’t control what they ate for lunch and yes I had one nosy teacher tell me my daughter needed better food for lunch but I sent what she would eat………………so did they hate me I don’t know but I reckon they didn’t think I was doing the best job at being mum………….
As they sit in the teacher’s lounge drinking their nutritious Diet Coke and eating their self-righteous attitude. I completely agree with you, Sandra. Why tell a kid they suck at reading unless you’re trying to squash them? We’re caving and heading into homeschooling at the end of this semester. Then when the little tyke wants to learn French we’ll just take her to France.
Well good luck to you with the homeschooling. I have the utmost respect for those who homeschool, because as much as I dislike that homework agenda, I would dislike having to teach my children even more. Teaching truly is a gift, so good for you Julie! And yes, definitely France for the French lessons! Brilliant!
I miss you, Sue!!! And I miss Sandra!!! This cracked me up and made me feel better. I feel like the teachers say things about my son and his haircut (how he needs one!). Love your transparency, Sandra!