Bonjour, mes amis!
Yes. I’m still away. At this very moment, I could be weeping at Jim Morrison’s grave or purchasing baguettes at the Champs-Elysees.
In any case, I’m thrilled to introduce you to my friend Hillary, who makes her virtual home at Because my Life is Fascinating.
And she is…fascinating, I mean. She has a gift for taking those mundane little moments in life and exploding them into pieces of writing that make you laugh.
Or nod your head in agreement.
Or think.
Or shed a tear.
She’s someone to watch. You heard it here first, friends.
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Greetings, Spin Cycle Readers. I can’t tell you how tickled I am to be able to guest post for Sue! I’m gonna go ahead and try though.
When it comes to bloggers, Sue is top-shelf. So when she asked me to entertain ya’ll while she gallivants around Paris, I did a little happy dance.
Then I panicked cause she’s such a fantastic writer, and how would I ever match her brilliance? Yeeeeks.
Then I got depressed because I’ve never been to Paris.
And finally, I drank a glass of Merlot and dealt with both the anxiety and the depression. I have no idea why I’m paying my doctors so much money. This stuff fixes everything!
Except Paris. C’est la vie.
Enough whining. She didn’t ask me here to do that. Allow me to introduce to you the top five awkward moments according to me.
Top Five Awkward Moments
1. Are they waving at me?
We’ve all been there. You think someone is waving at you so you wave back, and then you realize they weren’t really waving at you.
I’ll never forget the time a professor (who I had met maybe twice) waved at me from across campus. I waved back, commending myself for making such an impression. He was walking toward me, beaming a great big smile. “Where’s that beautiful smile?” he called out. Confused, but nevertheless flattered, I beamed back a Colgate-worthy response. That’s when the girl scooted past me and greeted him. I was mortified.
2. I forgot your name.
You know who they are, maybe you know a lot about them. But you don’t freaking remember their name! Smooth as you play it, this fact sells you out.
3. Whose turn is it at the intersection?
Car or pedestrian? Pedestrian or car? My car or your car?
I absolutely hate this silent, back and forth conversation that seems to last for an eternity:
“After you.”
“No, after you.”
“Oh, but I insist, you go.”
“No, I just couldn’t. Please, you must go.”
“Well, then. I don’t want to be rude.”
“Ok, why not?”
{And then in unison} “Oh, I thought I was going now…”
Repeat.
4. How long has THAT been in there?!
Ten minutes after having the most animated conversation of your life—the kind where you show all your molars and even the scars from your wisdom teeth by laughing so hard—you go to the bathroom.
That’s when you see it: the biggest, honking piece of food lodged between your two front teeth. You’re the last one to know about it.
The only thing that trumps this brand of awkward is a flyaway booger. The kind that you cannot feel, but others surely see.
5. How do I join this conversation?
This is probably the one I am most guilty of. I am not really shy, but sometimes I have bad timing. I’ll be at a party or some larger social scene, see a group of friends or worse, acquaintances, and try to join the circle. Everyone’s talking and engaged in conversation, except for me.
Five minutes later, still no one’s acknowledged me. Seriously, I think a garden gnome could do better than I at fitting into the group. The only thing left to do is walk away. But how? Backwards, with head slightly ducked seems to be the appropriate way.
And so, like a shunned buzzard, I inch away from the group I cannot join and wonder if somehow I slipped into Harry’s invisibility cloak without knowing it. Yes, that’s what must have happened.
Welp, those are mine, now it’s your turn!
Oh, the intersection one.
Definitely the intersection.
I have given myself a manicure and a blowout in the car during the amount of time it takes to figure out who in the Sam Hill should go first. ACK!
ps – Thank you for coming over to play! xo
For reals. I seriously did this yesterday and the other person got so annoyed with me for all the back and forth. heheh.
Thanks for having me!
These are all so true! But wow, it’s been a while since I’ve experienced any of them – I hadn’t realized how long it’s been since I’ve interacted with the other humans! As awkward as I am, it’s best not to leave the house.
You must get out more. Awkward moments are good for the soul
Hillary — you are speakin’ my awkward language. I can easily say all of them have happened to me as well.
The intersection tango happens to me all the time. In my head I know who goes first but then the person who is supposed to go doesn’t. Which then makes me question if I really know who is supposed to go first. At this point someone else drives up to the intersection and it all starts over again. Kind of a who’s on first, what’s on second kinda situation.
And yes, I have found what seems to me like a stalk of romaine lodged in my teeth after speaking to someone. Then I think ‘WHY wouldn’t they tell me?!?’ Are they now chuckling about me or did they think I was saving it for a snack later? Either way I don’t come out a winner.
And, yes I have felt that awkwardness in some conversations. Most of the time I can hold my own. I’m fairly shy but like to talk too. I’m an enigma. Then there comes a conversation when I feel like I didn’t get the right footing from the get go. I start to think that these people are going to think I’m this lame all the time. I want to shout ‘I’m really quite funny and I don’t normally sound this meek and lame!’ But then that would sound quite lame so I’m stuck in the conversational sink hole.
C’est la vie!
Yes! When you get off on the wrong foot it is so hard to recover! I usually just keep digging myself deeper, saying one more weird thing after another.
If only there were a rewind button for life. I would use it all. the. time. Also, a pause button would be greatly appreciated.
The conversation one, absolutely! Story of my life! The intersection one I hate so, I just step up and go! I usually don’t extra time to spare!
Good for you! I need to have more balls and just end the obnoxious back and forth!
Haha! These all seriously made me laugh out loud. I hate the little dance when you are trying to pass someone in a doorway or something. You try to step to the right, but they step to the left, and vice versa. Drives me nuts!
Yes! The doorway dance! How could I forget? I usually say, “Would you care to dance?”
Oh no! That number 5 one was totally me. I am not shy, I know it, but why is it so hard to try to join a group conversation sometimes? For me it totally depends on the place. At work- no problem. I don’t care who it is, I’m in that convo in 15 seconds flat. At a get-together at a close friends’ where I feel like an ‘insider’ -no sweat. But when it’s at, say, my husbands’ friends’ house so I only know some of the people. Ughhh. Shunned buzzard right here.
Yeah, it pretty much depends on where you are for that to happen. If I’m with close friends I’ll just be honest and say, “hey, I’m here” and rid the scene of awkwardness. But if I don’t know the people too well—I risk making things even more awkward with my honesty!
I’m guilty of all of the above. Such an awkward dork. Truly. All those manners classes and such were just a waste of time!
Wait, you got to take “manners classes”? I need that! My kids need that!
I know those awkward moments well! The food in between the teeth? More times than I’d care to remember. The awkward moment at the party of trying to get into the conversation? Yes. Food for thought: A glass of Merlot will help cure that awkwardness as quickly as it fixed that anxiety you were feeling over guest blogging. Just saying. Hilarious post!
haha! Thanks! Yes, as long as everyone’s got at least a tablespoon of wine in them it’s all good in the hood.
These made me laugh out loud! I love the food in the teeth bit. I have so been there many, many times. Hilarious! Also loved the invisibility cloak reference since I am just now reading The Deathly Hallows, I am behind the times and have read all the Harry Potter books over the last several weeks for the first time. Sue, thanks for introducing us!
(BTW, I accidentally typed “Sur” for “Sue” and I have to say that I like it! Heller there, Sur. Ha! Ha?)
Sweet youth.
When you get old as a buzzard, like me, you just don’t even try anymore.
Why I live on the internet, where it’s nice.
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[...] 4.) Waving back at someone who wasn’t really waving at me. This is also just categorized as “awkward moment,” but as you can see there is a great overlap in blush-worthy and awkward. [...]
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